worship

I have a hard time with worship. It is so meaningful to so many people, but I dont really like it. Why do we have to stand and sing about how much we love someone? Why do we sing the same words over and over? And why is it so easy to fake? Are our hearts really in it all the time? Sometimes I think about how many people (at least me) often stand there with their eyes closed thinking about something entirely different then the words they are singing. Sometimes though, you catch a glimpse of someone actually experiencing something deeper.

In early september I was with a bunch of people on a staff and I have this distinct image of this guy. We were singing this song and the words included "Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me; have mercy on me a sinner." It was this sort of slow eerie guitar melody. And we were singing it over and over. I remember sitting there listening then looking over and seeing him. It was beautiful. He had this look of pain on his face and his hands were clasped on his head, it was obvious he wasnt really in the room. Why do those moments only come some time? How do I live like that all the time? I never experience that when I "worship"

In Africa last summer, everything seemed clearer. I dont know if this makes sense, but I tasted God's presence. I felt like the way that guy was probably feeling pretty much all the time. Being in a place of such brokenness, it was so much easier to see beauty. I want to see the world I am living in here through that kind of lense. And I think God deserves my worship whether or not I feel like it. I dont know what exactly that will look like for me, but I do know it is way more then just singing.