changes

I had a really bad meeting this afternoon with a friend. It is one of those relationships that used to be intense but just isnt anymore. I am pretty sure it is just not what either of us needs but we are just too chicken to say it. It was rough, and i dont think she wanted to be there any more then I did. Why does that happen? Friends who were so close just drift away. It doesnt make what we had before as friends any less, but it is just weird now. Yet, I dont feel like I have the energy to care or do anything about it. I think its ok, we both have other people to talk to.

Why do things not work out for people you love? I have close people in my life who have been fighting for things for twenty years to still have minimal results. I want to yell and rage at the church for being silent and not doing anything. i just have to remember that my God (the God that cares about the marginalized) is not in the church, he is in people. It is not much of a comfort, but it is a small one.

I am ready to be done with school for a while. I realize more and more as I study for finals that I have made other things more important this quarter. I can see the kind of student I could be if I didnt place such a high prioirty on relationships, and its kind of annoying. I can look really good on paper, but when it comes to investing in people I often have little to show for it except a lowered GPA. Oh well, I guess that is not why I do it. Its going to be a long couple days. I hope I can make it to Saturday. It is looking grim from this end