Wednesday, March 26, 2008


So, my grades were not that great from last quarter. I hate that. As soon as I decide I want to do and understand that it takes perfect grades, my grades become the worst they have ever been. It is like some sort of twisted "trust in God" test where I have to look really bad and totally surrender that area to God and trust that stuff will happen anyway, regardless of my poor performance.
I was reading this book this morning and it said "if you are trying to serve God in your poor weak way, quit it; your duty is to serve God in his strong triumphant way." I liked that. It gives me permission to be really excellent at whatever I do because He is really excellent. There is nothing wrong with that.
Are you ever intimidated by the life path you have chosen for yourself? I have never been more confident that my passions and interests are from God and exactly what I am supposed to be doing, yet part of me is intimidated and the whole grade thing makes me question whether I will make the cut. And then where would I be? Confident of what I though God was calling me to, yet unable to get there because i am limited by my own ignorance or fear or simple inability to succeed on that level? That is scary. I have to trust that God knows what he is doing and is not some twisted higher being that gives me these dreams only to dangle them in front of my face, forever just inches out of my reach.
I wont let that happen.

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