Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Last night at my staff meeting, people were sharing news stories they had heard yesterday. Two were mentioned, and neither of them were happy, and they seemed to completely change everyone's mood. It was strange. I kind of felt left out. I am constantly reading the news and learning about stuff happening in the world, and it mostly does not upset me. I dont think I am jaded, I think it is my personality to not be upset but to want to do something.

They just kept saying, "well see! This is why we dont read the news!" Yes, that is it follower of Jesus, live in complete ignorance of the world around you so that you dont have to feel uncomfortable or responsible for changing any of it.

It boggles my mind how people are so shocked by evil in the world. News flash: the world is messed up. But we get to help fix it! I dont want to make excuses, or be frozen by fear over how bad it is somewhere. People always pray for rescuers, but never are the rescuers themselves. I realize that some situations are horrible and you cannot do anything because of time or money or whatever, but dont just write it off and forget, hoping that "that other person" will do something for you. What if you lived life constantly trying to be people's answered prayer? Does that make sense? And if so, why is that so hard for people?

From Bob Bennett's song "Doing of the Thing"

Broken souls covered in broken skin
No resolution on the video screen.
Half a world away, somebody does our bidding
Beceause we like to pray, with our fingernails clean.

Mistake the nodding of the head
For all the words that can be said.
Mistake the sympathy we bring
For the doing of the thing.

Please dont be ignorant and close your eyes because you are uncomfortable. It is frustrating to people who have their eyes open on purpose.

Sunday, April 20, 2008


I am living in alternate worlds at the same time. Not in a freaky sci-fi way, but I really feel like I am living two lives. I have the life I live at school, and as an RA and friend, and then I have this new life that has emerged, sort of living in my future with lawyers and court and LSAT prep.

I am struggling with this because, to remain sane this year, I have had to compartmentalize my life. I cannot think about all the stuff I saw and experienced in Africa, my future goals to become a lawyer, maintain all the new relationships I have made, and be an RA and be present and here with the girls. I have separated them and open up different ones when I need to. But now they are all coming up at once. A girl friend from Africa just told me she is pregnant, I am studying two horus a day for the LSAT, being a student and friend, and planning stuff for my floor. It is cool, but hard at the same time.

I went to a court sentencing on Friday. An actual sentencing. A guy came in in handcuffs, there was a judge, the whole nine yards. I wanted to be one of the lawyers so bad. I can just imagine being up there, fighting for people, seeing justice happen. Seeing people fail and succeed getting their lives back together. I have never felt more excited in my life about what is next.

So now, on top of everything else, I need to try and compartmentalize the future. I cant wait for it, but I must. And I want to really be here with what I am doing right now, because I know it is important.

Whew. Wish me luck.

Monday, April 14, 2008


I heard the dalai lama speak today. I am now someone that can say they have seen the dalai lama and heard him speak. pretty cool. A cop gave us free parking, and there were lots of Chinese people there protesting the dalai lama and talking about how politics and the olympics should be separated and that the dalai lama was trying to lead a secret revolution. I like seeing passionate political people, even if I disagree.

I know he is seen as a God, but he just seemed so approachable and nice, like my grandpa. It must be weird being viewed as a God. Then again, he has been raised to believe that. He kept making jokes about his bald head, and he seemed really real. His ideas on peace are very idealistic, but the crowd was loving it. The coolest thing I thought he said was talking about intelligence. He said that intelligence should fuel compassion, not hatred. That makes sense. The smarter we get the better we should be at treating each other (at least in theory). Instead I think we just get better and better at corrupting ourselves.

I talked to my favorite prof tonight and he mentioned how people of faith are written off for using God as a crutch that helps them deal with difficult things in life. Other people look down on those with faith as not being strong enough to handle troubles. My prof was making the argument that cynicism and lack of faith is also a crutch because you do not have to take love of yourself and your ability off of a pedestool, or admit that at some point you might be held accountable for your actions. Therefore the entire argument is dumb because both sides lose. I thought that was good.

Do I think world peace is possible? No. Do I like the dalai lama anyway? Yea, he seemed like a cool guy.

Thursday, April 10, 2008


A lot of healing just took place I think. Being an RA, I have watched girls change and grow and experience lots of things this year, and there was an event on campus tonight that might have finally broken (in a good way) several of the girls. I just had the most beautiful conversation with a girl who discovered before my very eyes that she has never really believed that God loves her, so she has spent her entire life feeling inadequate.

It is moments like now that I just step back in awe of the fact that I get to be with these women and experience these momentous things alongside them. What a privilege. We talked for a long time about her learning to love herself, and her fear that now is too late to finally trust that God loves her regardless of all the baggage she has. I can only imagine how beautiful she must be to God right now, limping to him carrying all this crap, but still trying to come anyway. Brokenness is where you find true beauty, and where real dynamic people emerge. I am amazed.

The new RAs for next year have been chosen, and I met my replacement today. She is very eager and excited, and I feel war torn and seasoned. I felt really old. You can only tell them so much about what it is really like because they are excited and there is only so much they will hear and understand. But nights like tonight make me miss this "job" already, and yet excited for her to be able to live intentionally as the leader of 44 girls trying to become women.

I am excited for the next few months, I think there is a lot in store.