introvert

I have been an introvert this weekend. Definitely much more exhausting then being an extrovert. I dont know how people do it. Good to experience once in a while though.

Went to a gathering of important people on Friday night. I was a mess. All the walls are down for feeling things about people. This place has changed me. For the better. I can no longer hear a story and forget it, or not think about the people involved. I think its because the people telling the stories of injustice, or rescue and triumph, were actually there, and part of the solution. They know the people, and they are a part of their lives. I sit among some of the most brilliant minds in the business, and watch them become moved to tears by the stories of casework they were a part of. Not tears of triumph, or pride in their own abilities, but tears of overwhelming gratitude to God for doing everything. Complete humility. I said I wanted to be a sponge, well I am definitely soaking it up. These people have rocked my world. And for someone who thought she already knew it, that is quite a feat. I dont want to leave. There is comfort in being a part of the huge amount of action and good that this place churns out every day. Going off to what was before familiar and comfortable suddenly seems a difficult challenge that I do not want to face.

There is one thing I wish would have ended different. but I am going to be an introvert and leave it at that.

Goodnight.

humbled

Intimidating to be back after a very long hiatus. What do you say after spending two months on another continent living in poverty, then moving to a different coast and starting over with new people.

I am not as cool as I once thought I was. I have, somewhat unintentionally, currently surrounded myself by the smartest and most well-travelled people I have ever encountered. I feel very small and put in my place. Its hard because that is not the way it usually goes for me. I feel like I am shaping a whole new outlook on things, and learning what it is like to actively practice humility. I said that was what I wanted, but its hard. How do you know when a process like that has completed its course? Does it ever end (or get less painful)?

Relationships are different here as well. Different then ever before. People ask me different questions, treat me in a different way, and expect different answers. That is the best I can explain it, you will have to ask me in person. This is a pointless entry to everyone but me, and Im ok with that. At least Im back online again.