surprise

I had a surprise party last night. It was amazing. Everyone was dressed up and speaking in accents and there were donuts. All my favorite things in one room. i could have died...first from shock, then from happiness. I have decided that at some point in everyone's life, they need to walk in a room and be surprised to see they have a bunch of their friends there applauding them for no reason and telling them they are cool. It might eliminate a lot of the problems we have as a lonely society. It worked wonders for my mood yesterday.

And what do you do when someone hurts you and you try really hard to not like them and be super angry for an extended period of time, but you just cant? Why is it that we are so willing to give people second chances? It would be nice to just retreat with the pride I have left and lick my wounds in a corner, but it is harder then that for me to let go. I guess if something really drastic and terrible happens then you know they relationship is over, but what about those weird in between relationships? There should be a book on that. But I probably wouldnt read it anyways so I guess it wouldnt matter.

Happiness to me right now is:
-kenyan poker
-Toms shoes
-eating donuts in the sun
-listening to David Archuleta on repeat and being embarrassed that I might be able to relate to what he is saying
-being surprised by people I love
-trying to live in the right now knowing that what I have coming next is REALLY DARN COOL

death

One of my friends from life before college committed suicide last week. Needless to say, my spring break was different then usual. It hit me really hard. I am sad and angry at him for being selfish, and hurting for his family. His suicide note mentioned how he believed the God of the Bible to be fictitious, and that he did not have any relationships with anyone. Kind of a slap in the face to his family and friends. I hurt for him, it must have been terrible feeling that alone. At what point does family calling you saying they love you and wanting to be with you become insufficient? Depression is hard to understand.

I wish there was more to say. Sometimes there just isnt.

" The word gospel literally means 'good news.' Jesus declared that he had come to 'preach good news to the poor.' But what good news, what gospel did the church have for Richard and his brothers? What 'good news' have God's people brought to the world's 3 billion poor? What 'gospel' has Africa's 12 million AIDS orphans seen? And here's a question for you: What gospel have most of us embraced in the 21st century?

A gospel with a hole in it."

-Richard Stearns

fame

From the book "Fame and the Founding Fathers: Essays by Douglass Adair"

"...the desire for fame is thus a dynamic element in the historical process; it rejects the static complacent urge in the human heart to merely be and invites the strenuous effort to become -- to become a person and force in history larger then the ordinary. The love of fame encourages a man to make history, to leave the mark of his deeds and his ideals on the world; it incites a man to refuse to be the victim of events and to become an "event -making" personality -- a being never to be forgotten by those later generations that will be born into a world his actions helped to shape."

Machiavelli

I have been reading The Prince and learning about it in class for the past six weeks. Machiavelli was a very interesting guy. He was so intense. To him, the only true religion is power, and the two greatest mistakes you can make as a leader are to avoid war or to hesitate to break your word. He sees it as weakness to not do so because the people you are helping will never help you in return. Why should you do anything for them? The ability to do the utmost you can to control your circumstances is real freedom. So basically: don't trust anyone, don't get close enough to anyone to have them do anything to you, and do everything bad to them first so you will move ahead. Then you will feel complete.

In my opinion, his kingdom will ultimately implode of its own incoherence because cooperation and collaboration can be just as real as conflict. But I like him. He is original. And I can see where he is coming from, but I want to trust people more then that.

I guess that makes me a sucker. I'm ok with that.

gandhi

"First they ignore you.
Then they laugh at you.
Then they fight you.
Then you win."

-Gandhi

fumes

I was listening this week to a guy talking about a city. It was a has-been city from ancient times, and the by the time the story took place, it wasn't that great of a place to be anymore. It wasn't the indestructible fortress of power it had once been, and it was kind of wasting away from the inside out. What the guy said who was telling the story was that this city was living of the fumes of its glory from the past.

Interesting.

I think we do that. People of faith do that. I do that. We have a crazy time of growth, then we sit back and think that we logged enough energy and learning to last for a while. Most of me thinks that is fine, I earned a break after lots of hard work right? Yea, maybe, but this other part of me wonders what would happen if I stopped being lazy, and actually asked to see if there was more? More to learn? More to see and do and experience and cry and laugh over? What if there was? I will get there eventually, but right now I am too busy living in the fumes of my past glory to notice.

That would be sad.